After six months of changing drummers almost as frequently as I change my underwear, I finally found the perfect drummer to join my band. He’s skilled, powerful, properly translates my moves, and isn’t lazy or greedy. He’s everything I’ve been looking for in a drummer, and I couldn’t be happier. But, as always, there’s a problem. The other members of the band don’t like him. They say he’s arrogant and makes funny faces and gestures at them. And they want him out.

Do you see what I’m up against? Funny faces? I feel like I’m in kindergarten here.

Dealing with musicians is one of the most challenging aspects of my job. Technically, the band leader handles them for me because in Egypt, it’s not “prestigious” for a dancer to talk to her musicians (and because I have little patience for childish antics). Nevertheless, I still feel the effects of their inflated egos, childishness, and greed. And last night, it really bothered me. We were on stage, about to close the show with a drum solo, when all of a sudden, the band stopped playing. They left me hanging in front of my audience with no music to dance to. I turned around to see what the problem was, only to find them arguing with the drummer!

It was at this moment that I finally understood all those moments of stage-rage I had witnessed between Egyptian belly dancers and their musicians. Not wanting to put on that kind of show, I composed myself. But I must have given them the most threatening look humanly possible, because they immediately continued playing. When we got off stage, however, I unleashed my fury on the band. Egyptian style. I went off on them for at least five minutes without coming up for air.

Basically, the main point of my angry tirade was “GROW UP!” I explained to my musicians how there’s such a thing as stage etiquette. That even if the drummer is a jerk or messes up, it doesn’t warrant the whole band stopping the show to argue with him. We resolve our problems off stage. To this, the musicians replied that the drummer “was just trying to show you he’s a star.” To which I snapped back, “There are no stars! None of us are stars! Michael Jackson is a star. Amr Diab is a star. YOU are not stars! When I bow to the band at the end of my show, I don’t see stars! I see a fuzzy blur of instruments. A band. A team. And I am part of that team, so cut it out!”

I went on to give them a lecture in reality. We are artists, I told them, and most artists have big egos. Otherwise it wouldn’t be bothering you that the drummer is trying to show me that “he’s a star,” if that is indeed what he is doing. In life, you need to be prepared to encounter all types of personalities. You will encounter the arrogant, the greedy, the liars, the braggers, the humble, the loyal, etc. You need to know how to deal with each type without disrupting your work or the work of others. This is called professionalism.

(This is why I now believe a degree in child psychology should be a prerequisite for belly dancing in Cairo.)

My musicians scowled. They huffed and puffed, but they didn’t shoot back at me with a stupid response this time. They realized that I was right and that I wouldn’t tolerate that kind of behavior, especially towards the best drummer I could find for $6.78!

That’s right. You read correctly. This drummer makes $6.78, or 40 Egyptian pounds, for an hour show. That’s less than the minimum wage in most US states! It is, however, slightly more than my other musicians make, and that is only because I’m paying him the rest of his requested salary out of my pocket. (Yes, musicians’ salaries can get that ridiculous in Egypt). And the reason I agreed to pay him an extra US $2.54 from my measly salary of US $33.90 is because he was worth every penny of it. He is also the only drummer of his caliber who would agree to that kind of embarrassing money.

I am willing to do this because finding my dream drummer is no easy task when the venue is only willing to pay him $4.25 (25 Egyptian pounds). Though drummers are a dime a dozen in Egypt, not all of them are created equal. I’ll show you what I mean.

First, there are the drummers who only work in small orchestras usually consisting of five musicians (takht). They are appropriately called takhaatees, and do not work with singers or dancers.

Next are the drummers who play exclusively for singers. This type of drumming requires its own special type of skills.

The third category of drummer is the dancer’s drummer, or tabbal ra’assa,as they say in Arabic. This is the drummer who is attuned to the intricacies of belly dance. He knows when to doom and when to tak according to what the dancer is doing on stage. Most importantly, he knows how to follow her, translating her moves with the drum.

The fourth and fifth categories of drummer are my own made-up categories. They are: good drummers and bad drummers, and they exist in all three previously-mentioned categories.

Because of the ridiculous salary, I’ve only been able to work with really bad drummers thus far. $4.25 drummers. This is more unfortunate than frustrating, because the drummer, or tabbal, is arguably the most important member of the band. He sets the tempo of the music and gives cues to the rest of the musicians. Most importantly, he makes the dancer dance! (Indeed, in many ways, the drummer is the dancer). Absent a skilled drummer, the dancer is at a disadvantage. Her accents will look like nothing, and her drumsolo (if he knows how to do one) will be subpar.

What’s funny about all this is that all of the $4.25 drummers I have worked with have complained about me. They say they have never seen a dancer like me—that they can’t keep up with me. Too many dooms and taks. Oooh, how I love seeing them sweat as much as I do during a show. 😀

The real problem is that these drummers have grown lazy from never having to work hard for local dancers. This is because many Egyptian dancers don’t really dance and don’t really care (a topic for another post). Drumming for a foreign dancer is a whole different undertaking—one that requires a drummer experienced in working with foreigners. Luckily for me, I found one. And every time he drums for me, I have a really good show. This, my friends, is why I’m bent on keeping my US $6.78 drummer at all costs. Wish me luck.