I’m a frustrated feminist. I have always
been a feminist of one kind or another, but the frustrated part is rather
recent. It has a lot to do with where I live and what I do. Luckily, I haven’t
reached the point of no return. I still shave my legs and armpits and wear makeup.
And I’m straight. Yet I find myself hating men. Well, many of them anyway. It’s not that I
hate the individuals who happen to be men. I just hate their misogyny and machismo, or whatever it is that drives
them to subjugate women.
At the risk of pointing out the obvious, I
live in an ultra-patriarchal society. This means men have the upper hand in
almost all aspects of life here. They are the leaders, the law makers, the law
keepers, and law breakers. This is true of most of the world, but it is a
little more exaggerated in places like Egypt than in the United States or
Western Europe. That is not to say that Egypt is on par with Saudi Arabia, Iran
of Afghanistan in terms of women-hating.
Nevertheless, misogyny does have its place here. And it takes various
forms. Female genital mutilation (extremely widespread); domestic violence (the
norm); sexual harassment (no comment); honor killings (much rarer but do occur
from time to time). Divorce, adultery and other personal status laws overtly
favor men. And of course, there is the oh-so-prevalent “a women’s place is in
the home” school of thought to which men and
women subscribe. Again, all of these things exist in other countries, even in our
corner of the world. It’s just that they occur with more much more frequency
and much less stigma in this slice of the world.
Many justify these realities by claiming
that they are designed to protect and empower women. People who make these arguments are called
apologists. They are essentially cosmetic surgeons for ugly reality. They are masters
at making the greatest evils seem benign.
Misogyny is also apparent in the two
mutually exclusive categories into which mainstream male thought lumps women. These
categories are angel and whore. This is how it works. If a woman wears a headscarf,
she is an angel. If she doesn’t, she is a whore. If a woman only has female
friends, she is an angel. Virgin before marriage? Housewife and stay-at-home
mom after marriage? Angel. Mixed-gender friendships? Working woman? Not a
virgin? Dancer? Whore, whore, whore. Still not married by age 30? Old
maid with severe issues. Got it? Good. 😉
So. Which category do I fall in? I’ll give
you a hint. It’s not angel.
You are probably wondering what all of this
has to do with belly dance. The answer is everything. We like to think that belly
dance is a dance made by women for women. In fact, this is one of the things attracted
me to this dance in the first place. Yet here in Egypt, men are the ones controlling
and profit from this dance. Men are the agents and the talent and hotel
managers. They are the musicians and the majority of the customers. They are
the law makers determining which women can dance and under what circumstances. And
they are the law enforcement officers enforcing those laws and arresting women
who violate them.
If we compare this to how belly dance is run
outside of Egypt (outside of the Middle East in general), we will find that
things are pretty different. In the rest of the world, the belly dancers
themselves are in charge of the business side of the dance. They are not merely
performers. They are event organizers,
agents, and in a lot of cases, the majority of audience members. They are women
helping women, and they make a profit from this art.
Please don’t get me wrong. I have nothing
against men cooperating with women to
help them succeed. However, the keyword here is cooperate. Unfortunately, cooperation
sometimes gives way to exploitation, financial and sexual. For those of us who
insist on dancing in Egypt, this comes with the territory. It doesn’t always
happen…and there are respectable men
in the business…but we are destined to encounter exploitation at some point in
our careers. When (not if) that happens, it becomes a question of which type of exploitation we choose to tolerate.
And that is an individual thing. Personally, I prefer being robbed to being
groped, cajoled into bed, or even listening to some sexually deprived pervert talk
about inappropriate subjects. I thus choose the people I deal with accordingly.
Let me reiterate that there are some
decent men in the belly dance business looking to make an honest living. I have
had the privilege to work with some of them. But they are far and few between. More
often than not, I find myself wishing that more women would take the reins in
the business side of belly dance. Something tells me that if they did, things
would be better. Only a woman could understand the value of our shimmies. Only a
woman could truly appreciate what it takes to perform half naked on a stage in
a society that demonizes our profession. Only a woman could value the money,
time, and energy we pump into learning and performing this dance.
To those social constructionists who would
suggest there is no such thing as ‘women’s art’ because there is no such thing
as gender, I would suggest they consider the following. It has been pretty well
established that belly dance likely derived from fertility rituals…from the natural
movements that women did when women got pregnant. The belly
rolls, the shimmies, the flutters, the pelvic thrusts. The last time I checked,
men can’t get pregnant. Would anyone like to prove me wrong?
What is even further proof of this being a
woman’s dance is the fact that there is no distinct role for men in belly
dance. Unlike ballet, salsa, and thousands of folkloric dances around the
world, there are no special ‘man moves’ in belly dance. When men belly dance,
they take on a female persona. They become
women, if only for the duration of their performances. And there is nothing
necessarily wrong with that. Just pointing out the obvious.
Interestingly, a relatively famous male
Egyptian dance teacher once told me that a man cannot truly belly dance. According
to him, a man can only imitate this dance because he does not have a
womb, which he believes is the source of a woman’s artistic inspiration. Whatever
you think about the relationship between wombs and artistic inspiration, I
think what he was getting at was that belly dance is essentially feminine.
That it derived from fertility rituals. Thus, only women can truly get it right,
because it requires the female essence. Whether you believe the womb is the
seat of that essence is a separate issue.
In light of the evidence indicating that
belly dance is a woman’s dance, it seems odd that men control every aspect of
it. Then again, this is a man’s world. This is the only way to explain that the
vast majority of Egyptian gynecologists are men. It is probably the same in
most places.
One of the results of men controlling the
dance industry is women tearing each other down instead of helping each other.
And I’m not talking about the petty cattiness that goes on in your belly dance
community back home, either. I’m talking about calling the police on each
other, destroying and stealing each other’s costumes, spreading career-ruining
rumors, and doing things (and people) to prevent other dancers from ‘stealing’ their
work.
As much of a feminist as I like to be, it
is almost impossible not to get caught up in this behavior at some point in
your career. I had one of these moments recently, when I referred to another
dancer as a sharmoota (prostitute). I
recoiled after hearing that word slip off my tongue so effortlessly. Not
because I know for a fact that she doesn’t work in prostitution, but because
the word is so condemning. It is so judgmental and ugly, more so in Arabic than
in English. In all actuality, I do not believe prostitutes deserve the
condemnation embedded in such a word. They are unfortunate victims of the self-serving
policies and norms that male heads of state and heads of households create, to
the detriment of women. Thanks to the men who have ruined this country for decades,
many of these women are illiterate and possess no employable skills. The only
way they can feed themselves is by using their bodies, whether that be for prostitution,
dance, or both. That makes them victims and
survivors, not sharmootas.
I will not carry on about the feminist revolution
that needs to happen in this part of the world, but I will say that the
realities I observe every day in my line of work are a big part of the reason I
have become a bit of a ‘feminazi.’ Ultimately, I do not really foresee things
changing anytime soon. Looks like I’ll be frustrated for a while, then.
Very well written blog, didnt expect such blogging from a dancer :), well I support you and that is not a sarcastic comment. Genuinely appreciating.
I do have a Harvard education you know 🙂 Thanks though…. but just so you know, there are many highly educated women working as belly dancers. And they are often the best dancers too!
Nice blog Luna. Why don't you work as a Belly Dancer in In the States, Europe, Russia or Asia? You will be in charger and making more money.
Do you know how much Harvard graduate annual salary in the States? Come on Luna :-)))
Love your pic Angel 🙂
Take care,
Mido
Egyptian lives in the heart of the BIG APPLE
Money isn't everything ya Mido. I've got plenty of time to make money. I'm here because I love the dance and there's no other place on the planet where I can dance my heart out every night to a live band. Most important thing is I'm happy. Hope you're enjoying the Big Apple. I sure do miss it!
Is the glass half empty or half full? 🙂
Being happy living in Egypt is great. Specially when you live and deal with people from different culture. It's very hard in the beginning. Just take it easy enjoy your time. You have a night job. You will experience the beauty of the City. Being close to the Nile River at night is very nice.
I am enjoying my time in the Big Apple. No place like NYC & Vegas. 🙂
Cheers,
Mido
Hello Luna,
Sorry for the typo in my last post. I meant charge not charger. 🙂
I love NYC too, more than any place on this earth… I'm used to Cairo though… and the glass is half-full… maybe a little more than half 🙂
Great blog. I understand what you are saying about Egypt as a patriarchal society. Unfortunately, due to the behaviors that many women have portrayed to Egyptian men, and the increasing adoption of strict Islamic laws, I do not see the situation improving in Egypt anytime soon. Of course if they elect a president who has travelled the world and seen the benefit of equal rights, they will have a better chance.
Asalamu Alaykom,
Did you ever see the movie, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"? There's a line the dad shouts, "I'm the HEAD OF THE FAMILY!" Then the mom says quietly but firmly, "Yes, but I'm the neck that turns the head." This is how I feel the role of the woman in Egyptian society is. Relax into the role we are "allowed" to play and then find that feminine power working for us. We don't have to have the same power in order to be powerful.
I'm OK with what I've got going on in my own life. However, I get the benefit of living in private with a man. You only get the times of associating in public. Those public times are very different. Men are different. In private (in a halal union) the men allow themselves to be big babies and sweet guys. In public? NO WAY! So, you're used to tough guys without that balance. Even if you have experienced time with a man in private, Luna, if it is not halal it won't be the same. They would only be your equal in a sanctioned marriage. It isn't wrong! It's just life in a Muslim country. It's actually something to admire in that a man saves his soft side for a marriage partner.
You write about misperceptions of women. A more archetypal way of thinking about it is the "Madonna/Mary Magdalene" view of women. It's been this way through the centuries and in every country. Even with women who wear the hejab, Hon! A woman who wears but doesn't cover her chest, or wears but also wears pants…I mean there are levels of observance and judgements from others. Human nature! Don't take it personally.
You say that you're mad at the men who control the biz. You have bought into that but you don't have to! Be the agent of change you wish someone else to me. Let it be YOU!
As for the bad words which get hurled at us by other women. Shame on any of us who perpetuate the cycle. No one needs to be called nasty names. We all need to drop out of this behavior. There's better ways to live.
Let's work on living better and loving where we are. It's not perfect and you and I are not perfect. Still, it's good to be here and I hope we can enjoy our time here before it's all done. We might as well!
Thanks so much for your response Yosra. I actually have been in a "halal" union and found myself dying to escape. I just prefer not to write about my personal life on here. Something about marriage, be it Muslim or other, makes men (and women) take their partners for grranted. As for men being "big babies" and "sweet guys" in public, well you are making a huge generalization. Maybe your husband fits this description, but the sad reality is that domestic abuse is extremely widespread in Egypt and other Arab countries and is considered quite normal. Another thing to consider is that usually, you can predict how a man will treat you based on how he treats others– family, friends, children, animals. If he's a "toughy" in public, rest assured he's a toughy in private.
I actually tried (and I think succeeded) NOT to make generalizations. I specifically mentioned that not all the men in the business are terrible. That also means that not all of them are NOT terrible. You suggest that I'm "buying into" the chauvenism inherent in my art form, and that I should be a source of change for the better. Easier said than done. If you haven't noticed, this is a male-dominated society through and through. Female artists have no choice but to make sacrifices for the sake of their art. That's what I'm doing. Me not being an artist will not change the reality on the ground. The change shouldn't be starting with me. It should start with Egyptian society and the way it perceives gender, art, and many many other things. Not to mention, it's almost impossible to be a woman without making sacrificies. We sacrifice our freedom and many times our better judgment when we get married. We sacrifice our intelligence and dignity when we succumb to the man-made laws (and religions) imposed on us. So glad you brought up these issues because they definitely need to be discussed.
@ Anonymous… thanks, and I also don't see the situation improving any time soon.
At least, not until the women themselves wakup and realize the oppression that defines their daily existence. Not so sure a well-traveled president is the answer either. So many well-educated Arab and Muslim men abroad do not become convinced of the virtues of equal rights and that sort of stuff. Like I said, it's the women that have to start a gender revolution here, much like the women in the States did not so long ago.
…I'm NOT implying that we've reached perfection in the West, by the way… just that we've made more progress than other parts of the world.
why the hell would an American Harvard educated women work as a belly dancer and in Egypt one of the shittiest places on earth (its not an insult, i am Egyptian and i am just being honest with myself) that's the strangest thing i have seen for a while!!!!!!!!!!!!
Takes all kinds of people to make this world go round right? Other than this being one of the "shittiest" places on earth, as you say, what's wrong with a Harvard grad being a belly dancer? Must I be like everybody else? Conformity's a bit boring you know…
loved this, thank you.
and the first thing in my mind after one paragraph was "hurrah, another dancer with a BRAIN"
Artemisia (feminist, historian, dancer, not necessarily in that order)
Thanks for your comment Artemisia 🙂 I feel exactly the same way when I see other intelligent women in the dance. Best of luck to you in daNce and life.
I certainly understand the pull of dancing every night to live music with audiences who can really appreciate what you are doing. It is a dream.
I must say that it is hard to reconcile my love of a product of Egyptian culture with what I see as some extremely negative aspects. (I am by *no means* saying that I come from a blameless culture, btw!!!)
Political issues in the Arab world (Yes,I know misogyny is not limited to the Arab world.) really cause me alienation from the dance.
I totally hear you. Misogyny and other social ills exist everywhere, but they're really exaggerated here. Sometimes I feel that all the negativity is eating away at my passion for the dance. I usually snap out of that funk, but it's not fun dealing wiht it time and again. We really do give up so much to be full-time performers here, not the least of which is sanity and self-respect.
"Not to mention, it's almost impossible to be a woman without making sacrificies. We sacrifice our freedom and many times our better judgment when we get married. We sacrifice our intelligence and dignity when we succumb to the man-made laws (and religions) imposed on us. So glad you brought up these issues because they definitely need to be discussed."
Amen.
Thank you for writing about your experiences in Egypt. I've been very much enjoying reading your blog.